


But he’s cute, and he has a lemur, sort of

by Beewachan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Humor at Terushima yuuji’s expense, Lemurs r so damn cute, M/M, Miya Osamu is a fuckboy, When Kenji says hi bitch it’s a pop culture reference okay he’s not just being an asshole, i was writing and I forgot he was supposed to be king julien and I wrote Snake I don’t know why, there’s also a lemur; his name is snake, truly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-03 19:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14003043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beewachan/pseuds/Beewachan
Summary: Terushima left Osamu a surprise before he left for spring break, and it results in another equally as cute, equally as annoying surprise — just in human form.





	But he’s cute, and he has a lemur, sort of

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kinkykenjirou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinkykenjirou/gifts), [crocustongues](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crocustongues/gifts).



Osamu walks through the door, into the apartment. Gym bag? Check. Umbrella? Check. Resting bitch face? Check. He seems to have come back with everything he left with, so he locks the door behind him and walks a few feet forward into the entryway. A note, made from lined paper and yellow and red crayon, lies taped to the wall. 

Osamu gives it a good stare before removing the rainbow glitter washi tape and reading the bottom half of it aloud, quiet and monotone.

“So those are the instructions to take care of my lemur baby (his name is Snake, b-t-w). Anyway, I suppose I’ll see ya later, ya ‘lil weirdo. I’ve gotta go eat, and sleep, and masturbate, or whatever. P.S. Be back in three days. P.P.S. Call Futakuchi if you need any help.” There’s a red arrow on the bottom corner of the note, so Osamu flips the page. Futakuchi Kenji’s phone number is there, each of the ten numbers in red, the dashes in yellow.

[7:25 p.m.  
To: Teru]  
fuck you  
where’s the lemur  
and why are you masturbating on a plane 

[7:25 p.m.  
From: Teru]  
fuck me when  
THE LEMUR HAS A NAME! Snake is in my bedroom, obvi  
I didn’t masturbate on the plane, dumbdumb; I did it in the airport bathroom BEFORE the plane left

Terushima always does this. Every. Single. Spring. Break. For the past two years, and now a third. He always leaves without saying anything beforehand unless it’s on a stupid note, written in his stupid crayons.

Osamu contemplates taking a Xanax as he walks by the kitchen counter, but he decides to simply go into Terushima’s room and hope for the best. 

The best is not not what he got. He got a small, no longer than 15cm, ring-tailed lemur jumping onto his leg as soon as he walked in. And because Osamu’s an idiot who didn’t close the door quick enough, it ran out into the open space. 

Naturally, Osamu, who has duties to this lemur (bottle-feeding included) and to his roommate, chases it. Straight out of the window that Terushima leaves seven different varieties of succulent on. Osamu doesn’t see this happening because it’s too damn fast, but what he does see is both his and Teru’s favorite cactus falling to the hardwood floor, and what he does hear is the sound of an antique pot shattering, letting dirty fly about. 

His lips part slightly, resting bitch face still activated. “Fuck.”

He opens the window further; Snake is on the fire escape. Leaning out the window, holding a welcoming hand, Osamu swears to one million Gods, he can do this. 

But Snake jumps onto the neighbor’s goddamned fire escape and crawls into their window, that happens to be open, too, for whatever reason. Osamu can’t do this. 

The rustling of a note crumpled in his pocket reminds him of that number scrawled in red. 

Osamu forgets his anti-social inclinations for a few moments and types the number in, sucking in a breath as he calls (because he remembers every friend of Terushima’s that he’s met so far, his own brother included, and he remembers hating every one of them). 

The ringing on the other line stops almost before it starts. “Hi, bitch.” 

“Hi, slut. Is this Futakuchi Kenji?” 

“Ah, I like it when you call me a slut. Perhaps it is. Whomst the fuck are you?” 

“Terushima Yuuji’s bitch, apparently. I lost his fucking lemur, and he told me to call you if I need help, and I need help. Now.” 

“One sec., I’m getting another call.” 

Osamu waits patiently, hearing what resembles a deep, menacing scream, but is too stifled for him to really tell, through the thin walls of his apartment. 

The line comes back. “So Nametsu called, and she said there’s a lemur in her apartment. You’re Yuuji’s roommate, right? I’ll go to Nametsu and see you afterward. Gucci?”

“Please don’t say gucci, but sounds good. See you soon.”

“Gucci,” Kenji says, obnoxious and pronounced.

๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑

It’s been twenty-three minute and eight seconds since Osamu started pacing around the apartment in anticipation when he hears a knock on the door.

“Hello,” he says, quietly, reluctantly opening the door. 

“What up? I got your lemur. It wasn’t easy; Nametsu threw her wooden clogs at me first and shooed me away with a fly swatter, which may or may not have taken way longer than it should because we ended up running in circles for a while while I got swat, but I did it!” 

Osamu cracks the door open more, letting Kenji hold up the baby lemur. 

“By the way, as cute as these little guys are, they’re not only endangered but also prohibited under international law from being pets.”

“She threw her wooden clogs at you?” 

Kenji sighs and nods. “Hurt like hell.” Snake crawls onto his shoulder. Osamu takes a good look at Kenji, and suddenly it’s getting harder to breathe. He has light brown eyes, soft (but not too soft) features, teeth whiter than the picket fence Osamu never had, and big, pink lips. Osamu did not sign up for this. 

“Do you wanna come in?” 

“In where?” Kenji jokes, and Osamu’s reminded that he’s friends with Yuuji. 

“Just come inside,” Osamu says, unintentionally. 

Kenji winks. Of course he winks. This whole “shameless flirting with an endangered species on one’s shoulder” thing is really making Osamu wish he took that Xanax. 

“Do you mind going into Yuuji’s room and watching Snake while I close all the windows out here?” Osamu asks, just to be alone for a moment.

“Sure. Do you know why Yuuji has a lemur or how he got one, by any chance?”

“Didn’t ask him. Bye,” Osamu gently places a hand on Kenji’s back, ushering him away from the front door and closing it while Kenji goes to the bedroom. 

[7:56 p.m.  
To: Yuuji]  
i hate you 

[7:57 p.m.  
From: Yuuji]  
what ily

[7:57 p.m.  
To: Yuuji]  
you never told me why you have snake

[7:57 p.m.  
From: Yuuji]  
Snake (capitalize the s, he’s a proper noun) was unfortunately the pet of some rich dude, so I stole him and his food, and I’m taking care of him until someone can come take him back to Madagascar (which is supposed to be in four days). Dw, buddy, I’ve made all the important calls 

[7:58 p.m.  
To: Yuuji]  
why do u have to take care of him when ur not here 

[7:58 p.m.  
From: Yuuji]  
bc my boss said i could, and she’s, like, a professional

[7:58 p.m.  
To: Yuuji]  
if u wanna be a vet too u should maybe not leave ur fucking animals with ur incompetent roommate

[7:58 p.m.  
From: Yuuji]  
y do u think i gave u Kenji’s digits 

[7:59 p.m.  
To: Yuuji]  
js ur friend is hot as fuck  
and it makes me sad 

[7:59 p.m.  
From: Yuuji]  
he’s single!!!!! 

[7:59 p.m.  
To: Yuuji]  
yeah, he hangs out w you, no wonder why 

Osamu walks through the apartment, ensuring every window is sealed tightly, before entering Yuuji's bedroom and telling Kenji what Yuuji told him, showcasing the note and everything. 

“Aww, he saved the little lemur.” 

“ _Stole_ , he stole the lemur.”

“Same thing,” Kenji shrugs. “Do you have a name?” 

“You can call me Osamu, I guess.” 

“Okay, Osamu. Are you good on taking care of this little dude, or nah?” 

The correct answer is “nah,” but Osamu can’t say no to Kenji because then he’ll feel like he’s letting Kenji down, and looking into Kenji’s eyes, that is just positively inconceivable.

“Yes.” 

“Alright, later, dude. Call me if you need anything.”

Osamu can say with confidence that he’s never felt so much emotion being called “dude” before.

๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑๑

It’s 8:00, sharp when Osamu’s supposed to feed Snake with a dropper, but he can’t get the little guy to stay in one place.

So he picks up his phone and calls the same number he did yesterday. 

“‘Sup,” Kenji’s lazy, low voice says. 

“Yo, how’d you get the lemur to stay calm?” 

“Don’t know. I wasn’t doing anything to try, really. Maybe he just hates you.” 

“Can you come feed him?” 

“Totally.” 

It’s 8:15 a.m. when Kenji arrives. “You’re lucky I love lemurs, and Yuuji, too, kinda,” he says as Osamu shuts the door behind him. 

“That’s an odd animal to choose to love.” 

“They’re cute as fuck, dude.” 

“I meant Terushima, but I can agree with that.” 

Kenji flashes a blinding grin at Osamu when Snake hops onto his leg and crawls up his chest. 

“Here’s the dropper,” Osamu says as he hands it to Kenji. 

“Thanks, babe.” 

If almost anyone else had called Osamu that, he would probably be internally blowing a fuse, but Kenji is super smokin’, so he dumbly stutters a (flustered) “No problem” with a smile.

“You look sorta hot.” 

“Likewise,” Osamu accidentally says out loud. “Want me to turn up the A.C.?”

Snake is staring at Osamu, from Kenji’s cradle, with his abnormally large, innocent yet knowing eyes. 

“No, lemurs like warmer temperatures.” 

“Noted.” Osamu watches Kenji show a hint of a smile and proceed to feed Snake milk, holding him gingerly. “We should hang out sometime. Later. Alone,” Osamu rapidly adds. 

“Look, I know I’m friends with Yuuji, but that doesn’t mean I’m easy,” Kenji furrows his eyebrows at Osamu.

“Oh, you didn’t think I was insinuating that you might want to… with me?” Osamu tries his best to put on a face of disbelief. “I would never.” A complete lie. He would. One hundred and seven point eight percent of the time, he would. 

“Never? Not once have you ever? Not to me? Not anyone else?” 

Osamu decides that Yuuji’s cute friend is _really_ annoying, but he’s also _really_ cute, and he likes animals, so he can’t be that bad of a guy, can he? Osamu continues pursuit. “So, anyway, are you training to become a veterinarian, too?” 

“Hell yeah. I fucking love animals — mostly dogs, though, Yuuji included,” Kenji adds quietly, and Osamu dares to express one real emotion, grin, eye movement and all. “What are you studying?”

“Marketing.” 

“So, like, shouldn’t you be better at advertising yourself?”

“Shit, are you not into guys?” 

Kenji laughs and almost drops Snake. They exchange a look. 

“Better be more careful there, doc.”

“Don’t make me laugh anymore,” Kenji pouts.

Osamu nods in agreement and stands quietly for a while. “So, um, you never answered my question.” 

“I thought I told you I’m studying to be a vet already,” Kenji says, completely serious for a moment, but he can’t help his sly grin once he turns away from eye contact with Osamu. 

“You’re so awful.” 

“Uh, I came over here just to feed a baby lemur for you?” 

“Yes, I know; thank you for that,” Osamu says with his Business voice for reasons unbeknownst to himself, and he’s decided that he hates himself around Kenji. 

“You seem frustrated.” 

Osamu truly is in awe of Kenji and his ability to not only feed the lemur but also to be such a smartass; however, it’s throwing Osamu’s game off. “If that was a pun, I love you ten times more.”

Kenji smirks and begins a stare-off with Osamu, but Snake interrupts when he pushes the dropper away with a tiny hand and begins to make a series of noises. 

“He’s adorable as fuck,” Osamu whispers. “Also, I speak lemur.” 

“Uh-huh?”

“He’s saying you should go out with me.” 

Kenji shrugs, “I’ll do it for the lemur.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading mwah LY
> 
> also i rewrote the conclusion like 50 times sry if it was anticlimactic  
> GOTTA TELL YALL WRITING ENDINGS IS HARD ASF SOEMTOMES


End file.
